Now, when the divorce rates in Western countires skyrocketing, more and more attempts are made to learn what exactly makes a marriage work. Statistics show that the majority of people who get divorced end up remarrying; however, most of these people end up getting a second divorce. How do you feel about people who marry, divorce, remarry, divorce, re-remarry, divorce – the same person? Such cases are rare – perhaps the only such case was that of Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. You know what though? They are not as rare as it may seem. Many women have reported being shocked to discover that their ex’s new wife is a lot like them, both physically and character-wise. So, why do people get divorced only to discover that they had already met their soulmate?
It has been said that the marriages that last are the ones where partners do not see all that much of one another. It is easy to get sick of someone when they are always around, true. But when does giving each other “space” grow into chronic indifference toward the person, especially in a highly individualistic culture like that of the US?
People who got married too young and didn’t have time to “shop around” often have this problem. This is especially true when unplanned pregnancies are involved. Staying together for the kids becomes a burden on everyone, especially the kids. Many children actively urge their parents to get a divorce because they would rather see them separately than together and fighting all the time. Rushing into marriage does change everything. This means compromise and commitment. You cannot live like you are single. You cannot bring your buddies over for a drink and stay up until 3.00 AM – certainly not on a regular basis. Alternatively, you cannot subject your husband to chick flicks with your girlfriends every other night. Boys’ and girls’ nights out will be few and far between. If the prospect of this makes you squirm, then you are not ready for marriage. Nobody is saying that you have to be together all the time – it is OK to have different friends and see different people. It just won’t be as often as before.
Then there is the issue of sleeping with other people. True, there are open marriages and the people in them claim to be happy. I used to live next door to a guy who was a pimp, and he said once, “It makes a lot of money, but it is not for everyone. How do you know if you can do it? Picture yourself coming home and seeing your wife having sex with another man. If this wouldn’t bother you, then you know the job’s for you.”
“Acting divorced” means imagining what it would be like if the person was gone and acting accordingly. It means joining a gym and dieting because you might never have sex again. It means good communication – if you are divorced with children, you will have to communicate either way. The title is misleading. You cannot act like you are divorced if you are not. If you want your marriage to work, imagine being single and all the pros and cons of this. If the negatives outweigh the positives, you know what to do.
More from comfort homes:
- A Perfect Day for the Macho Man
- Children of Female Offenders and Misdirected Punishment
- Recognizing and Dealing with Marriage Problems
- Stress-Free Travel with a Toddler or Newborn
- How Much Do Parents Owe You in College
Tags: communication, divorce, family problems, marriage