A compulsive liar lies about trivial issues and important things. Sometimes you feel that they lie about absolutely everything. You are probably right. Every word they speak is either completely dishonest or far from reality. At first, this may seem perplexing. Why do they lie about everything, especially since nobody believes a word they say any longer? Don’t they realize this?
Compulsive liars have dismally low self-esteem. They make things look better than they really are so that people will like and respect them more. They will promise to find you a job, to pay your bills, to solve any and every problem you may have. The experienced pathological liar knows how to make himself look good. He lures you in with empty promises and many women out there fall for this. Maybe you were among them, and now you are unlucky enough to be living with the compulsive liar. Once they have lured you in, they will not let you go, despite any effort you make to this end. They do things behind your back, and they hurt your feelings. This can go on for years.
So what do you do if you are married to someone like this? It depends on the extent of the pathology. If the lies are mostly trivial, you could simply tone down each story in your mind. If he lies about serious things, on the other hand, such as depleting your joint savings account during a trip to Vegas, you should consider divorce.
In cases of milder compulsions, you should try to accept what they are like. Be careful about setting expectations of them that they will not meet. You could try talking to them about their lying and how it affects you – sometimes they will be willing to change. In most cases, however, the change does not last long. It is worth a try either way. Getting angry with them is futile. This will not make them change. They must really want to change. If you feel they are telling you something that cannot be true, do not waste time analyzing and trying to disprove it. This will anger both of you.
Sometimes compulsive lying is seen as an addiction – one lie leads to another so that the previous one remains undetected and soon the lies spiral out of control. Addictions can be cured, right? Again, only if the person wants it.
Last but not least, there are visual cues that you can pick up on if you want to catch a lie. Look at the body language – avoiding eye contact, nervous hand movements, fidgeting and such. This may signal dishonesty.
If you cannot believe a single word this person is saying, you should not try to make the relationship work. This cannot happen with constant breach of trust. Good relationships are based on trust and if you don’t have that foundation, you don’t have anything, no matter how great he may be in all other respects. Self-confidence is golden, period. You do not need to waste your time with a pathological liar when there are so many trustworthy and honest men out there.
More from comfort homes:
- Dealing with Compulsive Liars
- Learning to Like Your Mother-in-Law
- Adopted Children and Making Sense of Adoption
- Your Brain: Is There Female and Male Type of Thinking?
- Save Marriage from Divorce? Why Not Dine out
Tags: addictions, compulsions, pathological liars