Posts Tagged: upbringing

family life — No Comments
22
Sep 11

How Much Do Parents Owe You in College

There are plenty of reasons why you should study in Canada, and the lower costs are the least among them. Most Canadian universities offer top-class education, affordable tuition, work and study options, and more. You also enjoy access to excellent (and in many cases free) healthcare. However, the monthly college expenses should not be overlooked.

As a student, your average living expenses will range between 400 and 800 Canadian dollars per month. Tuition fees at most Canadian universities range from 6,000 to 17,000 dollars a year.

Apart from these, you need to consider the so-called “hidden costs”. These include, but are not limited to: a fridge and microwave, a carpet, sheets, student and parent conferences (sometimes attendance is mandatory), student orientation, parking passes, and more. The conferences go on for two days; so, you need to include hotel expenses. And all this even before you have started your first year of college!

Obviously, mom and dad are not required to cover your expenses. It is up to them to decide how much to spend on your college education. Even if they are willing to help you out, costs add up. So, one option is to work part-time on campus throughout your college years and for one additional year after graduating.

You may also look at your living and dining options and come up with money saving strategies. For example, it will be least expensive if you opt to live in a dorm, but it costs more to rent a place of your own. You will obviously need a computer, clothes, books, and meals. If you don’t want to eat in the cafeteria, you will have to splurge on restaurant meals. However, the costs may reach $1,000 a month. You may also want to put your best face forward, and you will need new clothing and shoes. Look for deals and avoid hanging in the mall the whole weekend.

Then, a new textbook can cost up to one hundred; so, you better be careful. Try looking for used copies. Do not buy all the books they say you will need. On the Internet, you can always find cheaper copies; so, avoid bookstores. Use library copies of mandatory books. The downside is that you will be stuck doing work in the library if there are no take-home copies, but that aside, you will be saving money. If you absolutely must get the book, sell it as quickly as possible. It will become outdated very quickly.

Freshman electronic gear includes alarm clocks, digital cameras, MP3, DVD players, TV sets, cell phones, and more. Laptops are the most essential item on campus. A printer may be necessary as well. To this end, look for special student discounts on laptops and a good cell phone plan (do not go for the fixed-line). If there is a TV in your dorm lounge, you can skip the TV. You’ll just need enough people skills to convince others that the show you want to watch is the best one.

As for dorm room furnishings, try yard sales. Buy used appliances. Split appliance costs with your roommate – you will work on ownership issues later. The main thing now is to help your parents cut the costs. You know more than well that your parents do not “owe” you anything while you are in college. Many people’s parents have not helped them at all. If this is not the case with you, consider yourself lucky.

family life — No Comments
15
Sep 11

Being a Good Single Mother

Single mothers = mothers raising their child alone

This statement is actually a ridiculous overstatement. Single moms are not alone. Yes, they raise their children by themselves, but that hardly makes them lonely. They have more responsibilities for their child/ children, may have financial problems, etc. There is no one to support them unless they have a close friend or relative, but single mothers are not lonely or alone.

 Being a single mom is not that impossibly difficult, but it is a challenge. God forbid something happens, the dad can blame you for it. The fathers of children raised by the other partner often pay child support, but it is hardly enough given the many expenses single mothers have to meet. The father sees the child two times a month or so. Sometimes, they have their own families and don’t want to see the child at all. This is a sad fact, and many single mothers suffer because they want their children to know their fathers, regardless of whether they are good or bad.

 The child also suffers in that situation. And children of divorced parents have a hard time being separated from the other parent. They try to make their parents get together again and feel somehow responsible for what happened. If the mother finds another partner, they think of the relationship as an act of infidelity to the father. It is therefore important how the mother presents the situation and her new partner in life. They should be very tactful, patient, and understanding. It is important that the mother gives the child at least a couple of months to think of and get used to her new partner and the situation in general. Children need time to realize that the decision to separate is final, and their father is not coming back.

 If you got divorced recently and are raising your child as a single parent, you should talk about the things in life. Let your child know that it is possible to find a person who is good for you later in life. That doesn’t mean this person will be their dad. Don’t allow your child to control your life, you are the parent after all. Inform them of what is happening and give them enough time to process it. If you have a new partner, ask him to be understanding and patient so that your child makes space in his/ her life for him.

family life — No Comments
13
Sep 11

Adopted Children and Making Sense of Adoption

Adopted children may have problems making friendships, intimacy, making and relating to others. All these have to do with fears on the unconscious level. Even when adopted children grow up, they question their worth and life in general. Some children accept that their biological mother did not have a choice, but they still feel bad, guilty, and abandoned.

It is very important that adoptive parents understand what the child is going through, what happens inside them. This could help in building a better relationship with them. Otherwise, adoptive parents start blaming themselves that they are bad parents or failed to do what was best for the child. And even if they did everything in their power, why is the child so aloof or unhappy?

It is a paradox, but some adoptive parents think that their children have to be thankful for being adopted. How can they be when adoption is associated with so many traumas, starting with the loss of parents and with it, losing a part of oneself. Nor adoptive parents, neither society can feel what the adopted child is going through. When children choose to look for their biological parents, adoptive parents feel horrified, hurt, and betrayed. They are afraid that after so many years, the child will disappear from their life. But does anyone worry about what the child experiences, what he/ she goes through or is afraid of. Adopted children feel abandoned eventhough they have been adopted.

Adopted children face many challenges, and this does not end with the adoption procedure. That is only the beginning. Adopted children are asked by their peers and other children who their biological parents are and why they do not live with them. Adopted children make an effort to make sense and explain why they were abandoned. They think they have been bad or they had hurt their parents, and that is why they were abandoned. This can result in low self-esteem and fear of being abandoned again.

It is normal that adopted children are curious about their origin and biological parents. However, it is sometimes difficult to find any information about them or their biological parents do not want to meet them. These may give rise to ambivalent feelings and anxiety. They may also be afraid of what they may find out. The unresolved questions related to the child’s origin and biological parents can prevent the development of a healthy personality.

family life — No Comments
9
Sep 11

Worrying about Imaginary Friends of Your Kid

No matter how interesting or funny your child’s fictional world looks to you, you should not participate, encourage, or restrict your child, leaving it to play on his/ her own. If your child has an imaginary friend, it is advisable to keep a vigilant eye and listen to what they say. This way, you will get to know your child better – what its concerns and fears are. Do not forbid them to speak to their imaginary friends. The only thing that can happen is your child avoiding you and hiding away from you when they talk to their “friend.” However, control the time your child spends with the “friend” Encourage him/ her to interact and play with other children.

 When imaginary friends can become a problem?

When children are in this world of fantasy and imagination, their parents may be concerned whether, for example, their child has been too absorbed by this fictional character, failing to deal with things, and whether the child does not want to have real friends. If you notice that your child is distracted or has aggressive behavior because of the imaginary friend, you must consult a specialist. Situations like this are not serious but can cause bigger problems later on. Otherwise, there is nothing to worry at all – your child has no mental problems, nor has some strange experiences. Just the child’s imagination is so rich that invents all sorts of things to get her/ him entertained. As these fictional characters appear, the next day the child may have forgotten all about them. The kid may come up with a new prank and new sources of entertainment. This is a stage which usually ends when children are 7 or 8 years old. Then, the child has already developed, his/ her language skills, logic, memory and intelligence.

It is most often that sensitive and creative children have such imaginary friends. They find it easier to express their emotions and show their fears in front of such friends. Make sure, however, that you are your child’s friend and parent, as the same time. You should know what your kid goes through and help him/ her deal with it when necessary. Children don’t know the world outside, and they need us to help them make sense of reality.